7 years+

 After so long, I’m back here to read back old post and I guess I better drop some notes here to remind myself that I’m not dead yet. 

😄😄! Lame joke…

Hahaha…

Why will I be looking back? That’s when your phase of life start to change, and then u be looking and digging back old stuff to remind ourself, how we look/act.

Well, purpose is to look back on foolishness of myself. 

And the word ‘miss’ is always here. 

Pardon me for being rude to myself over pass few years, but good that to remind myself I’m still alive during this COVID-19 pandemic.

For past 2020, March onwards life is tough. As I resign on the leap year on the last day serving on feb 29, I gain my freedom from being tighten up by boss with grumpy face. Well, I still remember how she treated me. 

And after resign, of course I made my own company, and pandemic strike Malaysia. Is tough in the beginning but I managed to survive as I have a client that followed me out, from there I earn what I should. And it really helps me a lot during that time. And slowly I built my business last year and managed to survive till now, lockdown. 

Good that I earn myself and to survive on tough time.

Year 2021, is not a good year as business is not a good sign, and no income at all. But still managed to survive due to last year income. PTL for His greatness~~

And to now, is still lockdown. Wondering what is happening to government now. Many people are dying and out of job, no work means no income. The residents are poor, but there are good people with donations of food around to help out. 

Soon, I’ll be out of income as well. Sigh… see how it goes ya. (Out of topic) 

Hard earn money spend on necessary now. 

Mind kept on thinking about pass where by how I managed to survived with such low income. Last time can, now also can! Believe in myself! 

Thought 2

Sometimes I really wonder and worried, do I have a good relationship? I doubted each time when I'm alone especially on weekend. 

It just out of my control to have this thought. It started with freedom, and slowly, I began to felt lonely. 

His working life has totally taken out a lot of our time. Especially weekend. When he is at work, I've been worry for his safety. When he is at home resting, I felt jealous because he spent too much time to rest instead of looking for me. Is this normal? I hardly have time to spent the day to be like normal couple to go for dating with him. With him sometimes, feel like just a companion when I needed. He totally doesn't have it in his mind to spend time with me. All he does is just work for the company. I really have a hard time to think, what am I to him? 

Hopefully all these are my negative side of thinking. But I couldn't resist to look for him. I failed to let go of looking for him. Maybe I should have try hard to leave him more 'alone' with his resting time in so, I could get much appreciated? 

Haha... All coming back to me... A shitty feeling.

1.1.2015

The last day of 2014 has came to an end and first day of 2015 just started. I started to write in early morning because got awake by nature call. Is good to think of some thoughts to write up. 

Days has came to an end as well in my relationship. Sigh.... An occasion to break up or to celebrate. Wonderful or sadness? No one could tell because is like a burden that suddenly unloaded from my shoulder. Maybe God is right and I'm just fighting with Him on the path I'm seeking. God gives me more hint@guide to walk in the correct path as you teach me more to be your child. 

Here I filled my first page of 2015. 

Illustration

Old things got rusty, dusty, and spoilt. Is the same as love. Old love seems to fade away when there is any good take carer, or misuse. When ever is being dump, ignored, and placed aside, is like not being appreciated. This is the feeling that I have. Trying much to save my self from beyond this is happening, but I know I can't. Eventually new things comes in life again when old was being abandoned. It was not I who abandon the old, it is I'm the old thing. I don't really feel I'm being appreciated anymore. How could this be? Am I such like a decorator? Or Such a lousy gf? Who don't know how to cheer up my ma ?  Make him happy? Make him feel relieve? I don't know. This word I don't know is also a trouble n cause of fighting. Sigh... 

What I knew was new thing started in my life about month ago. May I should be moving on too, without dragging much.. Pity....... 

Decision making

Just found out an idiot make a stupid decision. Well, is up to him to decide what is best for him to do. Maybe his decision won't cause him in great pain or relief. I do feel sad....
No choice for it because I have to respect each one decision. Good or bad, let time to decide. Weirdo, strange, uncomfortable, speechless, is all up to him.

May God continue to bless him and to see him thru everything he do. Hoping the best also for him.
With all love and regards, i have to agree if he voice out a decision.